Feelings....

It's OK to feel sad right? According to my friend Delsy "When you are sad you feel again and have emotion. Sometimes it's a good feeling to have. " Its does feel good to be sad, to connect with the emotions you hide from yourself and others. The bad thing about allowing yourself to feel bad is you can get stuck in it. You may not even notice that you are being swallowed by the pain you feel... You start freaking out and you don't know what to do. When ever I felt like that I would either call my mom or text her. She was so good at calming me down. I love her for that. =) (I really miss her) She would tell me what to do... to take some herbs or something. She would tell me what kind of music to turn on. Whenever I would have a freak out she was always there to fix it and make it OK again.
Some days I feel sad (not today (= but some days) The feelings I have aren't really sad to say but they aren't happy either... they are right in between. How do I even say this... I feel like the world is falling in on me some times. My dad calls it the "Chicken Little Experience" the sky is truly falling in on you.
(this may be really depressing to read fyi.)
Sometimes I don't feel like I'm worth much. I look at the face in the mirror and I wonder who it is... I don't see myself... I see all the flaws that make up who I am... I understand how people don't see you the same way you do and that is comforting. But I have learned so much about who I am inside and when I look in the mirror now... well most of the time... I see what and who I really am.

Goodbye

The end of this adventure is in view but a new adventure is already in sight. I feel like my greatest adventure yet is right up the road. Things have changed for me... my thoughts my feelings.... who I am is closer to who I want to be. I was thinking today about who I am, the way that I am. I'm super tall and I am over weight... mostly because of my bad legs... but also because I thought I couldn't get over it so I just let it be. I realized today that I can over come this problem. I was taught that we are only given trials that we can handle... only things that God knows we are able to get over. I can get over this trial of mine. I know I can. So here we go... let's open up this new chapter to my life and make myself the way I want to be. Goodbye to you stupid challenge of mine. You wont bring me down again!!!